Lessons to learn from your past relationships

The only way you learn to be better in your future relationships is by learning from the past. Here are some of the things that you need to learn from…

Communication is important

The most crucial part about any relationship is communication. If you’ve had fallout with your ex or friend over communication issue, then for your future relationship know that it is the most important factor in a relationship. After all, you wouldn’t want to repeat the same mistakes.

Respect is needed

Another thing that you need to learn from your past is that due respect should be given to your partner. This is a two-way process. You respect your partner and in turn your partner respects you.

Learn to let things go

It is very important to let some things go. The moment you try and hang onto issues that bother your relationship, you eventually end up falling apart. Not only does letting things go strengthen you as a person but it also keeps your relationship healthy and going.

Do not force

In any relationship, you cannot force the either person on anything. For example, if your boyfriend/friend does not want to go shopping with you, you cannot force him into it. This may create unnecessary tension between the two of you and end up breaking the relationship. If this has happened in the past, stay clear.

Relationships are a shared effort

Relationship is not something that should be shouldered alone. It is like a joint venture between two individuals. This is one of the most important lessons of life. Remember that you cannot make your relationship work out alone, you need to contribute to it equally. It is not that you have to chase, but you must show some sort of effort.

source Times of India*

Relationships: Actions speak LOUDER!

There was a time when Indian women would silently weep on their pillows after a violent row with their husbands. But not anymore as they take on their abusive husbands head on, legally, and at times even driving them out of their hideouts. Intriguingly , they also seem to be doing better than a few of their western counterparts.

After the humiliating and painful episode that Nigella Lawson suffered at the hands of her husband of 10 years, Charles Saatchi, apparently she is yet to come to a conclusive decision of whether she wants to leave him or not. Another example is that of singers, Rihanna and her ‘now ex’, Chris Brown. Despite being beaten black and blue, coming out in the open about the atrocities she faced, Riri still allegedly went running back into Chris’s arms. Not to forget the late Whitney Houston’s 15 years of abusive marriage to Bobby Brown. On the other hand, one look at our Indian women and one realises that from Aishwarya Rai Bachchan to telly stars like Shweta Tiwari and Rucha Gujrati, they all had the guts and will power to walk out of their painful lives.

“You can’t generalise between women abroad and those here. How one deals with the situation depends on their upbringing, support system and economic independence. They are aware of their legal rights and see no shame in going to the cops or exposing their men in public. An ex once slapped me and I immediately threw him out of my house and life,” says actress Pooja Bedi.

Former Miss World, Yukta Mookhey, filed a non-cognisable complaint of domestic violence against her husband, Prince Tuli late last year. “The abuser always manipulates the victim into believing that whatever happened to her was her fault. Moreover, a lot of women live in the fear of what would become of them should they walk out,” opines Yukta who is now living a ‘fearless’ life. “If you cannot stand up for yourself, there is no way anyone else can. As far as women with children are concerned, they need to understand, that if they want their kids to live an abuse free life, the children have to see their mother fight for herself and against the abuse,” she insists.

Another example of a courageous woman is the small screen actress, Shivani Gosain. She was married for all of two and half months, but that, she says was the worst period in her life. “That man (she refuses to even address her husband by his name) made my life a living nightmare. He would assault me physically and verbally in public. I had two options, either to die like this or live my life. I chose the latter,” she says.

Shivani dragged him to not just to the family court, but even to the criminal court.

“I needed to teach him a lesson for ruining my life. After a year and a half I managed to hunt him down,” she adds. The family court is granting Shivani the divorce in December, but the criminal case is still going on.

“Growing up in India where nothing comes easy, makes you stronger and tougher. I have been unable to get work because of my personal problems, however, I refuse to give up and be treated like this,” says the actress who is determined to get justice.

 

*source Deccan Orcale

The Elite Of Suffering

This is a term referred to by Doris Lessing. 

It is in regard to the tendency in our culture towards basking in unhappiness and assumptions that suffering equals virtue. I’ve discussed something similar with a therapist in the past. To some extent maybe this is true for some, however, those qualified in mental health know when someone is faking it or not being honest, they know what behaviours and signs to look out for. Basking in unhappiness is really a terrible way to live life and I don’t believe anyone with a mental illness ‘basks’ in the feelings that they experience. If you understand mental illness you will know it is not something individuals enjoy or even want to have to deal with in their lives, it is a soul destroying experience, although I understand sometimes that it feels like bad times are all life has to offer so you just battle through it or even withdraw and lose all hope, but not for actual enjoyment and to suggest such is very belittling, insensitive and just shows how little one knows about it. If you are truly basking and enjoying your sadness its doubtful that you have a mental illness in my opinion.

The only way to understand mental health is to go through it yourself, until then reserve such judgements, most people suffering just wish to be happy.

Free your mind founder/director – Natasha Benjamin