Change

The concept of someone changing and starting a new is always an fascinating concept, we all want to do it at some point in some form, and most of all when we decide to change, we immediately expect everyone else to move forward with us. Unfortunately this does not miraculously happen, not everyone wants to or can get used to the ‘newer’ you.

Some people prefer the old you, maybe you were a push over and now you stand up for yourself, maybe you used to be an addict, made mistakes and now you are clean.

There are just some individuals that cannot and do no want to get past it and will always remind you of who you WERE.

I struggle with this sometimes, because I know I have changed a great deal, but I know their are individuals who are not ready to let go of the old me, that want to keep their energies going by holding onto the past and refuse to acknowledge it.

On days when I let it get to me it frustrates me and gets under my skin, but deep down I know that anyone who personally cannot let you move forward must be left behind where they would prefer to be.

Its not easy to let go, change and move forward and you would think that most people would praise such a step, changing your mindset and the way you choose to live your life for the better, is a courageous and brave thing to do. So if you are reading this and can relate, know that I COMMEND AND SUPPORT YOU!

However, their will always be someone who is more comfortable holding a grudge and someone who believes you are faking it and incapable of change, my answer to this is not to fight with them or argue with them let them be because that only takes you to their level and back to the place they would prefer you to stay. Its takes SO much energy to hold a grudge and all those feelings are only detrimental and affects the person who chooses to hold it.

I am by no means a new and perfect person, I have just learned a lot from my mistakes and choosing to live differently going forward.I am acknowledging my mistakes and not acting like they never happened and that there is the difference.

When someone decides to change their life positively why not choose to commend them and encourage them instead of being miserable and cynical about it? How they ever going to be able to move forward with their lives if they are constantly reminded of what used to be?

Everyone deserves a second chance, but their are some, who only want to believe this, when they want that second chance for themselves.

The Write way to help

Founder – Natasha Benjamin featured in this months Wanstead Directory, talking about Free Your Mind, Writing, and Mental Health (PG 30 in the directory)

http://wansteadvillagedirectory.com/

The affects of childhood domestic violence

Experiencing childhood domestic violence can teach children to believe certain things about themselves and the world.

Children often grow up and continue to hold on to these believes as adults…

These falsehoods can keep them from breaking the cycle. They can keep them from reaching their full potential. Are these lies still holding you back?

I am…

FEARFUL

Bad things are going to happen. I have to focus on protecting myself from them. I am safer if I don’t try.

When you grow up under the constant threat of violence in your home, you are always on high alert, looking out for threats some real and some imaginary. It makes you feel anxious and uncertain, worried about the next thing that might happen. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, unsure about everything. You lose your certainty, and the natural confidence that you were born with.

GUILTY
It was my fault. I caused it. I should have stopped it.

Children think emotionally, not rationally. When you were exposed to domestic violence as a child, your brain drew the wrong conclusions: I couldn’t stop it, but I should have. I was there, so it must have been my fault. It happened because of me. The burden of carrying around that kind of guilt weighs you down. It makes you feel unworthy and ashamed.

ANGRY
Anger gives me the power and control I never had.

Your brain learned that solving problems with anger and violence was acceptable. When you grow up feeling insignificant, unlovable and powerless, moments of anger can make you feel in control. When people make you feel badly, you use anger to teach them a lesson maybe a cold shoulder, hurtful words, or threats. You hurt others to stop them from hurting you. But anger always turns to sadness when you hurt those you care about.

HOPELESS
Good things don’t happen to people like me.

As a child, you were helpless to stop the violence. It made you feel that nothing you could possibly do makes a difference. So why bother to do anything at all? Every time something goes wrong, it seems to reinforce that feeling in your mind. It starts to seem like you never had a chance from the very start.

SAD

I feel more bad than good each day.

Your childhood was taken from you. It makes you feel wounded, asking yourself why it had to happen to you. This is your story and it gives you the certainty you never had. You focus on what was taken from you, what you didnt get. You try to heal yourself, fill the emptiness caused by your pain, and end your sadness by focusing on yourself. But when you simply focus on yourself, you typically feel worse.

RESENTFUL

The more I tear you down, the bigger I become.

You deserved better and you replay all the old wrongs over and over in your mind. It makes you resent everyone else who had it easier. You resent their happiness, or their wealth, because you never had that. It makes you feel better tearing down anyone who has got more than you.

WORTHLESS

I’m not good enough. I’m worth-less.

You weren’t good enough to stop it. They didn’t care enough to love and protect you from harm. They didn’t change for you. They didn’t stop the violence for your sake. It makes you feel worthless and unimportant, because when something is valuable to someone, they take care of it. You conclude that you must not have been that valuable.

ALONE

I don’t trust others easily and at times I feel alone.

Your first assumption is that no one understands and that everyone is trying to hurt you. You often overreact. You get upset easily. It feels like you cant control your emotions. So, the safest path is to just withdraw from everyone and keep your feelings a secret. But that just makes you feel more alone and misunderstood.

UNATTRACTIVE

I feel self-conscious and unattractive.

Your face and body are reflections of how you feel about yourself. If you feel badly about yourself, it always shows. When you look in the mirror and see someone who’s worthless and sad, or alone and angry, thats what you’ll be showing to others. It’s the kind of thinking that makes you feel like you dont deserve any better.

UNLOVABLE

I don’t understand what love is and I don’t deserve to be loved.

It feels like you don’t really understand what love is, because you were not fully loved and protected as a child. You start to imagine that you don’t really deserve love, and worry that no one can really love you, your children, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your husband or wife. You aren’t good enough for love. You are unlovable. When you feel unlovable, it is very difficult to give love.

SourceCVD.ORG

PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder which may develop following exposure to any one of a variety of traumatic events that involve actual or threatened death, or serious injury.

The event may be witnessed rather than directly experienced, and even learning about it may be sufficient if the persons involved are family members or close friends. Sufferers may experience flashbacks, panic attacks and heightened awareness. PTSD is sometimes found in ex-military personnel who have been involved in conflict situations.

Free Your Mind Founder Natasha Benjamin experienced much of this, including PTSD due experiencing childhood domestic violence and vows to help and provide increased support for others who have had the same or similar experiences.

Read more about it here

http://www.freeyourmindcic.com

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/fym-paintopeace

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=paG0MvX8g1s#at=16

Calls to mental health helplines rise by 50%

The number of calls to a mental health charities helpline have increased by 50 per cent in the past year with many callers now presenting “acute and complex” problems stemming from severe financial worries.

There has also been a 30 per cent increase in calls “relating to suicide” in the past 12 months with some 1,546 calls. Overall, the number of calls rose to more than 68,000, from 46,000 in 2011-12.

Thus making the need for increased access to help, support and treatment from Mental health and well being providers.

 

*source The independent

 

 

The Elite Of Suffering

This is a term referred to by Doris Lessing. 

It is in regard to the tendency in our culture towards basking in unhappiness and assumptions that suffering equals virtue. I’ve discussed something similar with a therapist in the past. To some extent maybe this is true for some, however, those qualified in mental health know when someone is faking it or not being honest, they know what behaviours and signs to look out for. Basking in unhappiness is really a terrible way to live life and I don’t believe anyone with a mental illness ‘basks’ in the feelings that they experience. If you understand mental illness you will know it is not something individuals enjoy or even want to have to deal with in their lives, it is a soul destroying experience, although I understand sometimes that it feels like bad times are all life has to offer so you just battle through it or even withdraw and lose all hope, but not for actual enjoyment and to suggest such is very belittling, insensitive and just shows how little one knows about it. If you are truly basking and enjoying your sadness its doubtful that you have a mental illness in my opinion.

The only way to understand mental health is to go through it yourself, until then reserve such judgements, most people suffering just wish to be happy.

Free your mind founder/director – Natasha Benjamin