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Tag Archives: change
The affects of childhood domestic violence
Experiencing childhood domestic violence can teach children to believe certain things about themselves and the world.
Children often grow up and continue to hold on to these believes as adults…
These falsehoods can keep them from breaking the cycle. They can keep them from reaching their full potential. Are these lies still holding you back?
I am…
FEARFUL
Bad things are going to happen. I have to focus on protecting myself from them. I am safer if I don’t try.
When you grow up under the constant threat of violence in your home, you are always on high alert, looking out for threats some real and some imaginary. It makes you feel anxious and uncertain, worried about the next thing that might happen. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, unsure about everything. You lose your certainty, and the natural confidence that you were born with.
GUILTY
It was my fault. I caused it. I should have stopped it.
Children think emotionally, not rationally. When you were exposed to domestic violence as a child, your brain drew the wrong conclusions: I couldn’t stop it, but I should have. I was there, so it must have been my fault. It happened because of me. The burden of carrying around that kind of guilt weighs you down. It makes you feel unworthy and ashamed.
ANGRY
Anger gives me the power and control I never had.
Your brain learned that solving problems with anger and violence was acceptable. When you grow up feeling insignificant, unlovable and powerless, moments of anger can make you feel in control. When people make you feel badly, you use anger to teach them a lesson maybe a cold shoulder, hurtful words, or threats. You hurt others to stop them from hurting you. But anger always turns to sadness when you hurt those you care about.
HOPELESS
Good things don’t happen to people like me.
As a child, you were helpless to stop the violence. It made you feel that nothing you could possibly do makes a difference. So why bother to do anything at all? Every time something goes wrong, it seems to reinforce that feeling in your mind. It starts to seem like you never had a chance from the very start.
SAD
I feel more bad than good each day.
Your childhood was taken from you. It makes you feel wounded, asking yourself why it had to happen to you. This is your story and it gives you the certainty you never had. You focus on what was taken from you, what you didnt get. You try to heal yourself, fill the emptiness caused by your pain, and end your sadness by focusing on yourself. But when you simply focus on yourself, you typically feel worse.
RESENTFUL
The more I tear you down, the bigger I become.
You deserved better and you replay all the old wrongs over and over in your mind. It makes you resent everyone else who had it easier. You resent their happiness, or their wealth, because you never had that. It makes you feel better tearing down anyone who has got more than you.
WORTHLESS
I’m not good enough. I’m worth-less.
You weren’t good enough to stop it. They didn’t care enough to love and protect you from harm. They didn’t change for you. They didn’t stop the violence for your sake. It makes you feel worthless and unimportant, because when something is valuable to someone, they take care of it. You conclude that you must not have been that valuable.
ALONE
I don’t trust others easily and at times I feel alone.
Your first assumption is that no one understands and that everyone is trying to hurt you. You often overreact. You get upset easily. It feels like you cant control your emotions. So, the safest path is to just withdraw from everyone and keep your feelings a secret. But that just makes you feel more alone and misunderstood.
UNATTRACTIVE
I feel self-conscious and unattractive.
Your face and body are reflections of how you feel about yourself. If you feel badly about yourself, it always shows. When you look in the mirror and see someone who’s worthless and sad, or alone and angry, thats what you’ll be showing to others. It’s the kind of thinking that makes you feel like you dont deserve any better.
UNLOVABLE
I don’t understand what love is and I don’t deserve to be loved.
It feels like you don’t really understand what love is, because you were not fully loved and protected as a child. You start to imagine that you don’t really deserve love, and worry that no one can really love you, your children, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your husband or wife. You aren’t good enough for love. You are unlovable. When you feel unlovable, it is very difficult to give love.
SourceCVD.ORG
PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder which may develop following exposure to any one of a variety of traumatic events that involve actual or threatened death, or serious injury.
The event may be witnessed rather than directly experienced, and even learning about it may be sufficient if the persons involved are family members or close friends. Sufferers may experience flashbacks, panic attacks and heightened awareness. PTSD is sometimes found in ex-military personnel who have been involved in conflict situations.
Free Your Mind Founder Natasha Benjamin experienced much of this, including PTSD due experiencing childhood domestic violence and vows to help and provide increased support for others who have had the same or similar experiences.
Read more about it here
http://www.freeyourmindcic.com
http://www.tumblr.com/blog/fym-paintopeace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=paG0MvX8g1s#at=16
Relationships: Actions speak LOUDER!
There was a time when Indian women would silently weep on their pillows after a violent row with their husbands. But not anymore as they take on their abusive husbands head on, legally, and at times even driving them out of their hideouts. Intriguingly , they also seem to be doing better than a few of their western counterparts.
After the humiliating and painful episode that Nigella Lawson suffered at the hands of her husband of 10 years, Charles Saatchi, apparently she is yet to come to a conclusive decision of whether she wants to leave him or not. Another example is that of singers, Rihanna and her ‘now ex’, Chris Brown. Despite being beaten black and blue, coming out in the open about the atrocities she faced, Riri still allegedly went running back into Chris’s arms. Not to forget the late Whitney Houston’s 15 years of abusive marriage to Bobby Brown. On the other hand, one look at our Indian women and one realises that from Aishwarya Rai Bachchan to telly stars like Shweta Tiwari and Rucha Gujrati, they all had the guts and will power to walk out of their painful lives.
“You can’t generalise between women abroad and those here. How one deals with the situation depends on their upbringing, support system and economic independence. They are aware of their legal rights and see no shame in going to the cops or exposing their men in public. An ex once slapped me and I immediately threw him out of my house and life,” says actress Pooja Bedi.
Former Miss World, Yukta Mookhey, filed a non-cognisable complaint of domestic violence against her husband, Prince Tuli late last year. “The abuser always manipulates the victim into believing that whatever happened to her was her fault. Moreover, a lot of women live in the fear of what would become of them should they walk out,” opines Yukta who is now living a ‘fearless’ life. “If you cannot stand up for yourself, there is no way anyone else can. As far as women with children are concerned, they need to understand, that if they want their kids to live an abuse free life, the children have to see their mother fight for herself and against the abuse,” she insists.
Another example of a courageous woman is the small screen actress, Shivani Gosain. She was married for all of two and half months, but that, she says was the worst period in her life. “That man (she refuses to even address her husband by his name) made my life a living nightmare. He would assault me physically and verbally in public. I had two options, either to die like this or live my life. I chose the latter,” she says.
Shivani dragged him to not just to the family court, but even to the criminal court.
“I needed to teach him a lesson for ruining my life. After a year and a half I managed to hunt him down,” she adds. The family court is granting Shivani the divorce in December, but the criminal case is still going on.
“Growing up in India where nothing comes easy, makes you stronger and tougher. I have been unable to get work because of my personal problems, however, I refuse to give up and be treated like this,” says the actress who is determined to get justice.
*source Deccan Orcale
freeyourmindcic 
